Hubby is a twerp. Again.

I sent my husband to the local farmer, to fetch this year´s Christmas turkey. Told him to take a smaller one so that I could put it into the oven in one piece. European stoves surely are way smaller than US ones, because a turkey of 14 pounds does not fit in my oven. We tried it once but had to amputate eventually. Apparently the "tried it once" part did only partially stick with hubby´s brain. The turkey he brought was 18 ponds, cut-up in two halves. Now how I am supposed to fill it up? Hubby suggested to fix the halves with kitchen twine. I suggested to give him more than an earful. To get himself out of harm´s way Hubby went tree shopping. A smaller tree than usual it should be, less bushy, to be able to properly hang up the Christmas ornaments and not lay them upon the fir-boughs. Guess what I got? The tree is about two and a half metres, and you would find a hidden squirrel only by shaking it out of its hiding place. Once again I´ll need a ladder to perfect the tree´s decoration. Did I already tell you I hate to climb ladders? I suffer from vertigo, and how!